What Business Coaches Won’t Tell You About Resting Bitch Face
You have big, important things to get done! You are running a business, crushing a mission, working your heels off, serving others, running a household, trying to keep it all together. Don’t let this little thing hold you back from closing the deal, making the connection, or getting the meeting. I want you to be successful. As a business coach, I help my clients remove barriers in their path to success. This includes all the little things… Like RBF. (heh.)
Okay, so I’ll fess up. I felt terrible that I hurt someone’s feelings this week. Without knowing it at all, I put off this bad vibe to them. I am so so so glad she emailed me to ask if everything was okay. Otherwise, I would have no idea that I created strain in our relationship.
Sometimes I have RBF. Okay, a lot of the time. My husband is always saying, “stop scowling!” I can’t help it – that’s my thinking face… sigh. I try to be very conscious of this because I don’t want to put anyone off. But sometimes it happens. So I am writing this, not just because it is an excellent reminder for all of you. It is also a reminder to myself to check in with my body and energy.
What are you putting out to the world by how you move through it? We don’t like to talk about it, but we have to. If you like it or not, how you are in the world creates important perceptions of who you are, what work you do, and if someone wants you in their sphere at all. From the look on your face, to the clothes you wear, to the way you speak inform other’s decisions and perceptions of you. How you present to others is as important as teaching them how to treat you – there is even overlap with that.
If you have hung around me for longer than a commercial break’s length of time, you know that I believe in doing all things with intention. Do them on purpose. This includes your body language and the energy you bring to every interaction. Here is how I try to deal with it. I try to do a full-body scan before engaging. I take note of my expression, my posture, how I’m (probably awkwardly) managing my limbs. Then I make corrections as necessary. With practice, I try to train my body and mind to align with the energy I need.
If I’m “On” like presenting or networking – I want to be more energetic and confident. I stand tall and confidently, smile and open, speak with clarity. I want to project myself as someone you want to know and do business with, as someone that has something great to offer.
If I’m meeting with someone individually – I want to be open and have softer energy, I want whoever I sit across from to know that they are seen and heard. I try to always direct my body towards the person I am speaking to, keep my arms open, softly smile, keep eye contact (without being creepy).
When what we present to others doesn’t fit with how we want to show ourselves, there is a weird misalignment. This weirdness creates weird results. However, you decide to present yourself root it in authentic you. The real, honest, true YOU. Trying to put on a fake version of yourself will always, always, come across strange and you won’t get the results you want.